Damn kids, stay out of Maillard

The Maillard reaction is one of my favorite chemical reactions, and it is probably one of yours too. "Mail-lard?" you ask, apprehensively. Yes, ducky, but please, start drooling because you'll want a head start.

At its finest, the Maillard reaction is the reaction between an amino acid and a reducing sugar (it gets oxidized to help something reduce, so losing electrons; examples include glucose and lactose), catalyzed by heat. (Amino acids make up the proteins in our bodies. They are delicious. Evidence: Bragg's liquid aminos as well as many kinds of meats and other protein sources.) Beyond all the organic chemistry involved, it is a reaction that you probably do often and in great quantities, every time you make toast or fry meat. It is why roasted and seared meat tastes better than boiled meat: boiling water is too cold to kickstart this reaction. The products of these reaction are a variety of molecules that smell and taste great, making food delicious. Each amino acid-sugar combination creates a different flavor, too, meaning that an exclusive and pure reaction between a specific amino acid and sugar yields a particular deliciousness that the food industry is all over.

Given the wonder that is the Maillard (which until now I have been mispronouncing as "My-yard, hence the not quite so funny now post title), that is why the following is scientifically delicious and not Ebeth collapsing into some kind of college/fratboy/stoner cooking creative genius.


Sautéed toast
discovered when a piece of toast to be fried dissolved in my hand

Heat a saucepan over medium-high heat. Obtain two pieces of tasty bread per serving. I recommend Trader Joe's oat bran bread; the effect of the Maillard on the dense crumb is delightful! You can then proceed to do one of two things: attempt to butter both sides of the bread with cold hard margarine, effectively ending up with a buttery pile of shredded bread as the slice breaks apart in your hand, OR cut or tear the slices of bread into bite-sized pieces and melt a large hunk of margarine in the pan. ("Texas toast?" you wonder nervously. Yes, wonderfood of diners everywhere.) Dump your bread chunks into the pan, listening for that sizzling noise that reminds you that the Maillard reaction is about to begin, if it hasn't already. Push the bread chunks around in the pan with some kinds of tool, flipping occasionally just like you would sautée vegetables, until the bread is toasted to a nice golden-brown color on all sides. Enjoy!

Although I haven't tried it, I speculate that this would be mighty tasty with heavy cream, jam, cinnamon, fruit, cheese, or other nummy condiments.